Another change

Did I just mention about being employed and getting a new job few months ago? Well, things worked out quite unexpectedly and I have turned my resignation letter in, a few weeks ago after some thoughtful considerations. Hence, I'm leaving in approximately two weeks time and it still amazes me how things change so rapidly and how my life is going to change again in another few weeks. The truth is I don't exactly know how to describe my current feeling. It's kinda ambiguous. A part of me is extremely elated to have finally found a company with a better path and clearer job career which I've been longing for from the start. And hell yeah, I'll be trained in Jakarta for 2 months and that literally means I have chance to escape my very boring routines here! I'm so freaking happy just by imagining it. Yet, another part of me is still unwilling to leave. It's been only three months here and just when I'm about to get used to the people and environment, I need to leave. Catching up isn't easy for me, I worked hard to be involved in people's circle here. In a few days, I should let everything go and start a new beginning with total strangers again. Meeting new people excites me as much as it worries me. I know very well that I need more time to get close to people. If others need only a week or two, I might need a month or even more.

Although it's short, I'm still thankful for the chance given to be a part of this company. Although it's short, these three precious months will always be remembered as my very first formal working experience where trial and error happened a lot. I don't wanna sound cheesy, but I will definitely miss everything, especially the feeling of waking up early and insanely rushing to work every Monday morning to have office ceremony which is pretty uncommon in other companies.

And so, I'm counting days. Precisely ten left.

Pride

I'm very proud of myself today for being able to throw away my pride in order to admit my silly mistake and apologize sincerely. It's a massive achievement for me since my pride has always been blocking my way and it's the core of several conflicts within myself. I overcame it this time and I'm extremely glad. I'm two percent maturer than before now! HAHA

And oh, growing up feels so nice!

I need someone to ensure me I've made the right decision.

Inevitable routines

So, days have been really hectic recently that I barely have time to rest. Twenty four hours a day are definitely not enough for me. I bustle around all day, rushed here and there, and reach home at almost ten every weekday. Life isn't the same like what it was a few months ago.  A lot of things have changed. Now I know how it feels like to be a mature adult. You earn yourself, manage your own savings, be responsible with your own decision, and there you go. You grow and enrich yourself. You meet new people, take part in society and interact with them.

Sometimes I find these adult things very monotonous and will always be monotonous in the future. Oh damn, I hate monotonous routines. I guess my next task is to find ways not to be bored with routines

Voices inside me

More than anything else in the world, I dislike ungrateful people the most. So far I have always been trying to withstand and deal with various types of people I meet, yet ungrateful people are people I always can't put up with. Especially when you have sincerely spared your time and reached out a helping hand for them. This is exactly what I always experience. I don't actually expect gratitude from them, just an understanding of my limitation is enough. However, they always want more to the point that it annoys me. What annoys me even more is my inability to stand against them. So I always end up doing things according to their expectations. Helping out ungrateful people is very exhausting. I am tired.

Random thoughts

We are living in a world where everyone we meet is wearing a mask. For me, a mask is like a double-edged sword. Wearing a mask doesn't necessarily mean you are fake. A mask works as a person's self defense. Without masks, people are insecure and they feel threatened. As a matter of fact, sometimes we even create a mask to meet the masks of others. Isn't this life complicated?

Frankly speaking, I don't really mind people wearing masks as long as they don't fake their sincerity. I value people's sincerity more than anything else in this world. A mask will eventually fall off but sincerity will never. I've learned so much from experiences that the more people talk and interact with you, the more they uncover their traits and unmask themselves. The rest depends on you to decide which ones are worth your keep.

Current state of mind

I'm seriously in my worst physical condition right now. I barely have enough sleep recently because my brain won't shut down at night, causing me hours of unrest. A lot of things are occupying my mind and I don't know how to shoo them away. Perhaps I should try exhausting myself in an extreme way throughout the day because sometimes when you're tired, you just sleep straightaway without even thinking.
In the other hand, my allergies relapse again and this results in swollen and chapped lips, and it's smarting, like an open wound. It's been a while since I had my last allergy and I completely have no idea what food I consumed wrongly this time. I tried to track my food record down to search for the cause but I couldn't find anything. Usually it's shrimp, but I didn't feel like eating it unintentionally, or even intentionally.

And oh by the way, I'm officially employed for a week by now and I'm very glad to have finally started a new page, although everything in my workplace is still very new for me. I didn't know anyone there and everyone is a stranger to start with. But well, not literally everyone because it turns out that my ex-teacher is currently working there, and his desk is just right next to me. The fact that there's at least someone I know calms me down a bit. I'm never good at social interactions and this is what worries me in the beginning. I hope I'll do better in the future.

Now that one of the checkpoints has been reached, I should start planning for the next step carefully. I initially planned to continue my master study after working for a few years but let's see if I'm gonna stick to it or not. Everything can change. I guess impermanence is the only thing which is normal, isn't it?
And I hope everyone is doing great!