If I may

I'm frequently trapped in places where I feel so small and so insignificant, where everyone is growing rapidly while I'm still stuck, where others seem to know very well what they are doing in life while I am still figuring out what to do.
There are certain times in life when I feel like I'm not good enough and I don't deserve what I have.
But just for once, I don't wanna blame myself. Just for once, I don't wanna doubt myself.
Simply because I need to be saved from myself and my own thoughts.

Some things don't merely work out the way you wanted it to be. However, when you try to look around closely, you'll realize that things aren't bad at all.

I made mistakes, too much that I keep disappointing people around me lately. It wasn't on purpose I swear and I completely have no idea what's wrong with me. People tend to have high expectations and I dont wanna blame them for it. So I adjusted, but failed.
Disappointing people disappoints me.
I am very desperate.

I thought it wasn't that hard.
I thought I could if I tried.
I thought perhaps there's a chance

I was obviously wrong.
I shouldn't have started at the very first place.
I'm now choked by guilt.

Loud mind

The major problem within myself is I think too much; too much that I tend to create complexity out of something which is actually very simple and straightforward to others. It scares me sometimes because the things I would never need to think about, I think about. I am often overwhelmed by thoughts and assumptions. Hence, making decision is hard for me in several ways. I have to think about everything, everyone, myself.
At certain times, I wish I could be as happy-go-lucky as some people, dealing with whatever the consequences are, so I don't have to bear everything inside.

Made my day

Sometimes the smallest of things can make your day a whole lot better. 

I am addicted

Hi again. It's March now and if you guys know me, you know I'm gonna start complaining about how fast time flies and how I didn't realize it passing. Frankly speaking, I have always been very busy with working and teaching stuffs that I often lose myself in it, so much that I also lose track of time, forget about myself and the world around me. I return to home at around nine or ten every weekday and sleep like a dead pig rightaway. The next day, I wake up to the same routines and the cycle repeats again. The question is, is busyness jeopardizing my soul?

So here I am, coming up with an idea to evaluate the way I'm living life to lead a better life.
On one side, I'm a person who loves keeping myself busy. You can say I'm addicted to it. I hate doing nothing and being unproductive. Also, it is already a habit within me. I am environmentally raised to work hard over everything. Another encouraging point is, I can be financially independent from my parents and it's an accomplishment for me. I have then shifted my aim to not just being financially independent. I wanna do more and give more. On the other side, I'm aware that we do not live fully merely by doing more or experiencing more. Quality over quantity. Moreover, my busyness often leads to exhaustion which is self-destructive. I get tired at times, too tired that my tired is tired. I know that very well but I can't seem to stop myself. I am already like a trained bull, constantly chasing over a red flag.

So the conclusion is, I'm gonna wisely and slowly switch my teaching activity in the evening into something which is not less productive than it, perhaps like taking a foreign language class. Or doing some sports since I haven't been doing sports for a long time. However, it might take some time since I still have my responsibility as a teacher, at least until my students finish this semester, so I guess this won't be accomplished in a short time. But it;s alright, I can wait until then.

Are you addicted as well?